“I had no idea it would be this much. I had no idea I could handle it. I had no idea how beautiful it all actually is.”
– Tyler Knott Gregson
My first born is in kindergarten and ever since school started, it just flipped our lives upside down. It’s only been a month into the school year, yet we have been busy with homework, volunteer work, soccer, kung fu, more homework, fundraising… it’s only been a month!
During these busy days of shuffling the kids from here to there, and tiring myself out with the daily grind of motherhood, I try to think of the future and how different it will be then. How, in the future, I’ll look back on these days and actually want it again.
That doesn’t even make sense to write down.
How can I possibly want to be exhausted, tired, sleep deprived, and fatigued all over again?
Then I think the thoughts most of us parents think when we’re not appreciating our present chaos: that one day, every one of my kids will be independent enough to do everything on their own, including homework. One day, they’ll want to hang out with friends after school instead of sit down and talk my ear off about what they did all day. One day, they won’t really need me as much.
But it’s not just about them needing me to fulfill tasks and take them from point A to point B. When I look back on these days, I’ll be looking back at the funny, happy, cute, silly and intimate moments that made suffering from sleep deprivation worth it.
It’s not easy to imagine the future and suddenly be okay with 3 hours of sleep and the rest of the annoying things about motherhood. This work is hard work, but it’s important work, it’s purposeful work, and it’s the work that my kids will want to see when they’re adults.
So, I continue to make an effort to document these moments with ME in it, despite the fact that I wish, in these images, I was more fit, had brushed my hair, looked more rested, and put on some make up. That’s not the work that matters anyway.